Where am I?

It's been a LONG time since I posted to my blog. The days and nights all run together these days and there are times when it feels like I'm lost. And so I find myself having to back up and punt! Have you ever been there....have you asked God 'where am I, Lord...please help me find my way out of this tunnel'? If so, then you know what I am talking about.

Sitting here trying to think of all that has transpired these last five years, my mind is like my physical vision, blurred and hazy. It actually started even before that, probably as much as eight years ago.

Why, Lord? Have you left me to figure this out alone? Is it fair that the one person who doesn't deserve to be suffering, who loves You even in his muddled mind and tender heart, has lost his way? My natural mind cries out with a heart-wrenching scream, NO! And yet, my love spends his days and nights now in a lost lonely place. Oh yes, he has visitors, family and friends, and he struggles to find memories that will tell him who they are or he sits in a blank place only he knows now. Sometimes, he looks at me and tries so hard to tell me what he wants but the words won't come or only a few words will come out that don't really tell me what he is trying to say to me.

Sometimes, there is a ray of light in the tunnel...like today, his caretakers had gotten him settled in bed for a nap, but he seemed to not be ready to go to sleep. So Pam and I talked to him a bit and he would gesture with his fingers or say a few words trying to tell us something. I picked up a cap that our son had given him and showed it to him. It has a picture of a black lab with Saluda River Pet Food Center on it and as soon as he focused on it he lifted his hand and said loudly, "Hey, Son"...it took me by surprise and I grabbed him to hug and kiss him. It startled him, poor guy didn't know what was happening. Sometimes Pam will sit at the piano and play the old hymns and we'll sing to him, he joins in with a word or two now and then, sometimes he breaks down and cries when singing Amazing Grace or Jesus, Jesus, There's Just Something About That Name. At times, he'll cry at the name of Jesus.

How precious are those moments! There are no words to describe.

With God's help I want to continue to write here some of the things I remember of the past several years, good and not so good. Maybe it will help someone who is going through the same thing. I realize I should have been doing this all along..
but I'll not dwell on that, and if you remember something about Fred that blessed you, I would love to hear about it.

I desire your prayers for both of us and our family. I know in my heart that God hears and answers our prayers, whether Yes or No or Sometime, and that no matter how long and dark the tunnel, He is there and "I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able, to keep that which I've committed, unto Him against that day".

Till next time....

I AM A CHRISTIAN - What it means?

Source: havenandhome.blogspot.com via Jamie on Pinterest

Just Because

Just Because
Current mood: blessed

Hello there, how is your day going? Here it is cloudy, thundering, very warm and humid.
So what am I here for, well............you see...........I want to know if you read this blog and if it was difficult for you to find. Did you have to sign in or could you just click on a link and be here?
What else is on my mind? Something good, preferably.. I woke up this morning, that's a good thing. I've been lazy, that's not so good, coz I haven't accomplished much. I did get some information for a lady who was looking for a support group for her sister whose husband has Alzheimer's. Now if I can just get the info to her and/or hear from the group leader, I'll feel much better about it.

That leads me to think about caregivers of loved ones with Alzheimer's. If you've never been in their shoes, it is not an easy road. Sometimes it seems to be much harder for the caregiver than the one having this dread disease. If you are a caregiver, do find a support group that you can be comfortable with and can share your heart with. If you know a caregiver, go out of your way to support them with your prayers, help and definitely with your hugs.

For this 2nd day of June I wish you love and blessings.
God loves you and so do I.
Enjoy this picture of our daughter, Pamela and her Daddy. 8-)

What does it really mean, Memorial Day?

If I were a poet, it might be easier to express the feelings deep inside of me. Alas, a poet I am NOT! I've been reading post after post on FaceBook about Memorial Day and I've come to the conclusion my own feelings and expressions are, at best, trivial. Today I listened with broken heart of the deaths of more "warriors" in a far off place while we sit here in the peace and freedom they had given their lives to protect, for me, for you, and for those that they had never met or even heard of.

What is it that makes that young man or young woman sign their name to a contract to serve in the military? Boredom? No family? Money?(now that is a laugh) Adventure? No one really knows, until they have stood in his or her shoes. If they are embarking on a career in the military, perhaps they received an appointment or passed the exam for an academy, and this would guarantee them the education they need to pursue their dream as a doctor, lawyer, even President of the United States. Or maybe it was because their future looked bleak in their present situation, the way it was for my husband when he and his cousin decided to "join up". It does no good to speculate...only each individual knows what the real reason is.

One thing is sure, the path before them is not going to be easy. Boot camp??? I smile remembering the descriptions of "basic training"...the new recruit soon learns he is but a peon in a crowd of other peons, while someone in command says things about his mother that should not be repeated...And this is mild to what those first weeks will hold for them.

I remember when my son came to us and said he had enlisted in the army. I was at once both very proud and very fearful. I don't remember what I said at the time...but I do remember the ache in my heart. You see, I was looking at my tiny baby boy, remembering the first time I held him in my arms, a heart full of joy. Now he was a grown man, ready to serve his country, as his Dad had done for so many years. I wanted to hold him in my arms again, as I had that day in January 1965, but the only thing I could do was hold those memories close to my heart.

I have said all this to say...This Memorial Day is not like other ones in the past..today we are a nation at odds with each other, while men and women in another
place are struggling to stay alive and make a difference in this world. No, we will never be of "one voice"....diversity is what makes the world go around. But it breaks my heart to remember that we are what we are because of those "warriors"... those of the present, those of the past and those who made the ultimate sacrifice to assure you and me that the United States of America is still the "land of the free and the home of the brave".

Why, you may ask?

Been thinking about this for a long time, finally decided to just jump in today. It seems I always have special thoughts about this or that, then they just disappear, never to return. Maybe I need a notebook, can't just sit here all day, hoping to have a thought flash before my eyes. Anyone who has a suggestion, I am open to hear or read them.

Today began with breakfast at SaraJay's...we got there early, before 7:30 am...that's right, I got up at 6:30 am...believe it or not. The crazy thing is - I 'thought' it was our SS monthly breakfast - yeppers...it's next week. My plea is "Guilty by reason of insanity". If you're laughing, I have succeeded in making your day a little better. Me? I'm sooooooooo sleepy~LOL.

For this 20th day in April, I wish you love and blessings from our Lord.

Till next time.....

(Happy Birthday, Daddy..I love and still miss you)